Musing on the coexistence of Responsibility and Desire.

Musing on the coexistence of Responsibility and Desire.

This is it….there is no other time but now.

On Facebook, I subscribe to Elise’s Thoughts for Today  ~

I’ve blogged a lot about Elise Faust, the most recent was her taking on the New York Marathon. (For a great cause, no less.)

Last Saturday morning, Elise’s Thought was ~ This is it….there is no other time but now.

My gut thought and what I wrote was, “Okay. How do we decide? Responsibility or desire?”

I get that all we’ve got is the present.

My query to her…Do we follow through with “ought-tos” or “want-tos”?

Such as…

I ought to get started on this project. I want to take a nap.

I ought to finish the laundry. I want to read a few more blogs.

Ya get it?

*  *  *

Later in the day, Elise replied “Responsibility AND desire. When we are truly present, what we desire becomes the responsible choice.”

Yeah right. That was first honest thought.

But I was intrigued….I wrote back that I’d noodle it. And noodle it I have.

Does choosing what we desire become the responsible choice? And how does all this work with being aware in the moment.

Hmm.

And I’ve come to think that she is EXACTLY right. Brilliantly so.

A small example I shall share.

I registered for a half marathon at the end of February. I LOVE registering for races. I LOVE the day of races. I used to LOVE training for races. (used to.)

The last half I ran was in November. I had run about 8 miles fairly comfortably. No long training runs. I just didn’t have time.

Here’s the thing. During the race, I ran like a superstar (a superstar with my genetic code) for about 8 miles. Then I fell and struggled like a little piggy….all the way home.

Goal after the race. Finish the race in February 10 minutes faster.

No sweat. I’m a pro at this training thing. Input a training schedule on my calendar and follow it. No excuses.

Next weekend, the schedule says to run a 10K. There is a 10K just down the road Saturday morning. YAY.

I asked my husband, “Do you want to run with me?”

NO.

I asked my son, “Do you want to go run a 10K with your dear mummy, who you are going to leave FOREVER next August.”

NO.

POO.

Here’s the deal. I get up really early during the week. If I do the responsible thing and run the race, I lose my one morning of blessed rest.

I thought of Elise. What I desired was to stay in bed and rest my aging quadriceps.

See. She wasn’t right.

BUT SHE WAS.

I was acting like a spoiled, petulant child and not thinking clearly, in the moment, as the fully self-actualized adult I will never be.

My true desire is to KICK MY 48 yo rear-end across the finish line 10 minutes faster.

So the somewhat, self-actualized tweenager that I am pulled up Active.com.

And registered.

On Saturday when that alarm sounds (in the dark and cold), what do I do?

I focus on the moment. I focus on my true desire. Then rising out of bed becomes a privilege, something I am doing for me. It’s the responsible action to meet my goal which is to feed my desire to keep running, to keep in shape and not to obsessively google the Top Ten Southeastern Doctors for gluteal augmentation.

Responsibility or desire?

Or both?

What to you think?