Musing on Bloated Knuckles.

Musing on Bloated Knuckles.

Last night while I slept, a very evil someone stitched an octogenarian’s hand to my left arm.

This followed closely on the heels of the revelation that Arnold gave me his creme-filled pumpkin abs.

When will the insanity end?

 *  *  *

Pudgy middle and Halloween hands aside, I’ve had bloated knuckles for weeks now.

This renders me completely unable to wear my 10th and 20th anniversary rings. (And I put in 30 years good behavior for those.)

*  *  *

I never remove my rings. Working in the garden, swimming laps, making sugar cookies, sitting in the car staring at the garage door for hours or drinking coffee.

The rings were dirty. I couldn’t get them off to clean. A jeweler friend said use Windex (or store brands work too — I unfortunately found out).

I cleaned those babies up sparkling good and….

There they stopped.

No amount of store brand window cleaner will get them over my huge knuckle.

The picture above looked so much like a trailer for Tales from the Crypt that I tried to hyper-extend my hand to simulate a million Botox injections in my palm.

This resulted in my hand appearing as a long dead armadillo in his final resting spot the shoulders of Highway 441.

I couldn’t even scare those rings over my bloated knuckle.

So here is what I’m stuck with…my wedding band.

Fat knuckles.

I mentioned this predicament to a friend after church and she said, “It’s horrible to get old isn’t it.”

Getting old?

Okay, it looks old — even my seven year old said it looked old. But do knuckles bulge with age?

Maybe all the weight-lifting I’ve been doing has been bulking up my knuckles?

Of course!

I’ve got muscles in my knuckles.

Any suggestions how to get those rings on?