Thank the Good Lord I Skipped Church.

Thank the Good Lord I Skipped Church.

God surely wouldn’t mind if I missed church. Took a sick day, personal day even?

It’s not like I didn’t have a reason. Good friends visiting. Friends I didn’t get to see very often.

A leisurely cup of coffee, laughter as we caught up on all that has been going on in our busy lives. Communing in the sunshine and not rushing to pews and hymns.

That’s what I decided anyway.

“I’ll just stay and wait for Ken and Tracy to get up,” I whispered to my husband as he left for early church.

Walking back into the bedroom, our bed was a tangled mass of sheet and blankets. Off to the side, a leaning tower of dirty exercise wear and school clothes rudely beckoned.

The bed looked inviting but duty called. Gathering up some clothes, I headed to the kitchen to start a load of wash.

On my trek through the television room, I noticed my youngest enjoying his reprieve from Sunday School. His face mesmerized by a laptop screen. Fingers furiously controlling the destiny of his Minecraft universe.

Throwing the clothes in on top of earlier deposited items, I poured the soap. Turned the knob to NORMAL. Hit start and headed to my room.

Nestling back into the sheets, I pulled my computer onto my lap. Nice. But something was missing. Coffee.

So I went to the kitchen to pour me a cup.

Mew. Mew. Just the faintest of mews.

Trotted back to bed with my coffee, all the while the little mew kept mewing.

“Joe. Do you have a cat in your Minecraft world?”

“No. I have a dog.”

Mew.

Once again my fingers clicked away on the laptop. Mew.

Ugh. Cats. Could one be trapped in the attic? In a drawer? I got up and looked at my son’s game. Nope. No cat.

Mew.

Clunk, clunk. Clunk, clunk. I heard the washer rattle on. That’s funny. I didn’t remember putting any tennis shoes in the wash.

DEAR GOD.

I ran to the washer and looked in the clear plastic portal. A cat peered back at me. Tossing and turning. Soaked. Traumatized beyond recognition.

My stomach dropped to my toes and my fingers flew to the cancel button.

Frantically opening the door, I reached in a pulled out the drenched creature. His black fur matted down looking as if he was a poor sea cat freed from a slick of crude.

Oreo tumbled onto the floor weaving back and forth as he tried to move. By appearances, he would surely have failed a kitty sobriety test.

Calling for my daughter, I spilled the whole sorted tale. She screamed in horror and ran to fetch a towel to gather up her big sopping wet baby.

 

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The big lump of drenched critter didn’t move for 30 minutes.

She then carried the wet bundle to her bed.

Throughout the day, I crept into check on him like I did when my children were infants. Was his little chest still moving up and down?

 

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Yep.

I shutter to think what would have happened if I had thrown the clothes in, started the machine and rushed to church.

Cats have nine lives but it would have taken all of them plus nine more to have survived the spin cycle.

Yes, thank God I skipped church that day.

Like the old hymn says, “His eye is on the sparrow and I know he watches over me — and my pets. Whom I might accidentally try to kill.”

 

Have you ever washed a pet? By mistake?

36 responses to “Thank the Good Lord I Skipped Church.”

  1. omg – that’s hysterical. i mean, not really, but now, yes, very funny. poor baby kitty!!! you probably should never go to church again, just to make sure your there in case the cat gets into the dishwasher or something.. 🙂

  2. Jamie Miles says:

    I know. I need to stop and look every time before I hit “start”. I’m not thinking he’s been napping in the washing machine lately though.

  3. Mamarific says:

    Oh, this got me! I am so glad you skipped church, too. Very well told.

  4. Oh my gosh, I would have died! By the end of this I was laughing, especially at the tweaked Bible verse, but whew!
    (Plus, the photos? Such a cute kitty!)

  5. Christie says:

    OMG, this scared me so badly. I am so glad your cat is ok!

  6. zoe says:

    OMG I am feeling it in my gut…that nervousness you get when an animal is hurting…Im glad hes okay…after reading the last post of oreo with the mouse its strange to think of him as vulnerable.

  7. Jamie Miles says:

    He was definitely vulnerable that day Zoe. And short a few of his lives.

  8. katie says:

    Poor Oreo! My high school economics teacher accidentally put her cat in the dryer. He did not fare so well. Glad you were there to rescue your kitty!

  9. Jamie Miles says:

    Katie, it makes me sick to think what might have happened.

  10. nikkiana says:

    Yikes! That’s scary! Very fortunate you missed church, indeed!

  11. Robbie says:

    oh wow!! So glad kitty is ok.

  12. Jamie! I love your new design! And. . .I bet your kids will still be talking about The Time Mom Washed the Cat decades from now!

  13. Jamie Miles says:

    Thanks Lousie re blog. And it’s not funny, but if heaven forbid, I hadn’t discovered the cat till it was too late, I would have had to bury the poor creature without telling my daughter. She is so mad about Oreo. She would have NEVER forgiven me. I’d be dying and she would be reminding me of how I killed her cat.

  14. So glad, Oreo is fine although he does look pretty battered. Everything happens for a good reason – Makes you believe so much more in the higher power, doesn’t it! 🙂

  15. Joe says:

    I had a friend whose wife did the same thing with the dryer but she didn’t notice until the load finished drying. The results were not pretty. I’m glad you were more fortunate.

  16. ardenrr says:

    I apologize for finding this utterly hilarious! I think it’s okay since the cat wasn’t hurt, right?

  17. I’m loving your new blog design! That is super scary, and I’m glad you got to him in time. I don’t know what kind of washing machine you have, but on mine, the spin cycle is pretty fierce.

  18. I just you post and ran – not walked – to hug my three cats. I’m glad everything turned out well in the end. Maybe someone else in your house should take over the laundry duties for a while. You’re too traumatized, right?

  19. john miles says:

    Why couldn’t it have been the dog.

  20. Jamie Miles says:

    I have to stop myself when I go down the “what if” trail. I so hate that with this old house my washer and dryer are in the kitchen. But if they weren’t, if the would have been in a room with a closed door or out in a garage — I would have never heard him.

  21. Jamie Miles says:

    That is probably the meanest thing I have ever heard you say. Mean as a snake.

  22. Larks says:

    Awwwww… poor kitty! I’m sure God won’t hold kitty rescue against you. Your description of the cat sobriety test was awesome.

    Love your new site design, by the way!

  23. tiffani says:

    Ok, that is one of the craziest stories I have ever heard. I can NOT believe you put the cat in the washing machine. Thank you Lord you bailed church and he was OK.

  24. Jamie Miles says:

    Tiffani. Let the record reflect that the kitty had crawled in there by himself and was napping. I’m not that evil. Or crazy. Not yet. 🙂

  25. Kristin says:

    I don’t even like cats, and I was really glad that you didn’t go to church! That photo is too much. Perfectly, much.

  26. What an awful feeling that must have been! I’ve never washed one, but one of ours routinely gets locked in my bedroom closet for the day. So glad that you’ve both recovered from the shock. 🙂

  27. Lisa says:

    Oh my gosh…that would have been so scary! I’m so glad you didn’t go to church 🙂

  28. OMG! You totally didn’t let on in your comment on my post that you had a fiasco of your own! Poor kitty! Silly kitty for being in the washer! Goodness.

    Hope your daughter forgave you.

  29. We have been talking about our next dog and I was thinking I wanted something small. Now I’m not so sure.

    Thank goodness you heard the mewing!

  30. Cutter says:

    This is one of those stories that becomes hilarious once you find out the cat was OK. Never done that, although my family has had some cats who might have deserved it.

  31. Jamie Miles says:

    That is so true. All day long I was thinking “what if” I hadn’t figured out he was in the machine. Horrible.

  32. erin says:

    Hysterical story — I had no idea where you were going when you started out with skipping church, but what a gem! PS — loved the pictures too (poor Oreo!).

  33. Esther says:

    Scary scary scary!!! My friend once closed her cat in a desk drawer for 2 days, but somehow that is no contest against a few minutes in the washer. Thankfully, my apartment has neither washer nor desk, though it has cat 🙂 I’m so glad the little mew-er is okay!

  34. Karen says:

    I love a good cat story, especially when everything turns out in the end. That first picture is priceless!

  35. Kat says:

    OREOOOO! How COULD you!?!?!! I don’t know if it was such a good thing you stayed home because if you had gone to church like a good girl then you might have ignored the laundry until you got home. Maybe Jesus was teaching you a lesson.

    A friend of mine accidentally dried her kitten. It’s dead now.

  36. Jamie Miles says:

    Kat. After this a friend told me about a neighbor whose washing machine was in the garage and she accidentally washed a litter of kittens. It wasn’t good. 🙁

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