Am I going Cray, Cray? Or the lesser known perimenopausal funny.
Hot flashes, dryness, memory problems, libido in the sewer, weight gain (or the Buddha belly).
I’d heard it all. I’d even bought books.
This particular one is my husband’s favorite.
Or maybe this is his favorite cover.
Yes, I’ve read how Suzanne Somers stays so vital and talked at length to my doctor but for the last two weeks, I haven’t been myself.
Blue. Down in the dumps. Missing all my early morning classes at the gym because I just didn’t want to get out of bed. Well, I never want to get out of be at 4:10 in the morning but I always have. Now I was too tired and just didn’t care.
Crying on the ride home from Walmart. Opening the dishwasher and peering in brought be to tears. I had nothing to be this sad about but sadness filled my chest.
I thought it could be related to my hormones. I had been on an estradiol patch but at my last doctor’s visit, I decided to try the daily pill. My patches had run out and I hadn’t mustered the mojo to go get the pills.
Because I really didn’t want to. I don’t want to take hormone replacements for the next twenty years. And I don’t have many of the traditional systems of perimenopause. Okay my middle is stretching out a bit and my body doesn’t respond like when I was a 25-year-old newlywed,
But I am getting older so I better step up to the plate and play the ball where it lies.
Mixing metaphors.
I was going cray cray.
Between freaking out over my hair color and wielding a tape measure to the circumference of my head to the length of my toes and all points in between — I wasn’t myself.
Maybe I should have that prescription filled.
Last Saturday I went for a run with a friend. As running tends to cause diarrhea of the mouth, this whole mid-life depression, body issues, is-it-all-in-my-head thing came up. I started crying.
For pity’s sake, I needed to get hold of myself. You know what happens when you start to slam shut a sob mid run? Hyperventilation.
Great Jamie. You’ll be the only woman in history to die of perimenopausalprobz asphyxiation.
That’s when I made up my mind to try the pills. If nothing changed, nothing changed. But if things improved, I’d have decisions to make.
As I got in the car after picking up the prescript that familiar sad weight in my chest nudged. Popping out a pill, I swallowed with a sip on my impulse Pepsi Max purchase.
Can’t say it was a Road to Damascus conversion, but mid-afternoon when I was cleaning out the refrigerator it occurred to me.
I’m not crying.
And if any task would have made me cry the last two weeks it was have been throwing out yellow lettuce.
I feel so much better people. On Friday morning, I got out of bed and to the coffee pot by 4:17. Hating it but doing it.
I seem back to my usual, mostly positive, occasionally weepy self.
Now I still have the dilemma of the consequences of hormone replacement. But at least I know that perimenopause affects our emotional state. Or can.
Like my friend said after I broke down on our run last Saturday, “It’s okay. You’ll be there for me when I turn 50.”
And that’s what I want you to know. It isn’t all in your head. You ain’t going cray cray.
At least no more cray cray than usual.
Any thoughts on hormone replacement?
Linking up with the Moonshine Grid.
For health reasons unrelated to age and menopause I cant do the hormone thing. But man there are times I wish I could. But then again being that cancer is the issue I wouldnt want to tempt the fates any further. But then again not being a freaking nut job would be a great relief. But then again… Yeah, Pretty damn cray cray…
Yup Zoe. That about sums it up. I am going to investigate more holistic menopausal treatments and herbal ones as well. That just takes time and determination. But I think the main thing I realized is it is not all in my head. Not sure what I’m going to do long term — yes, the threat of cancer does concern me. A lot.
Love the new blog design! I’ve been barely blogging and reading lately 🙁 I can’t do HRT since I had breast cancer so I’m going to have to tough it out – I’m already in perimenopause but I don’t have the cray crays (yet). I can’t sleep though, even on nights I don’t have night sweats. That’s a bummer.
Thanks Stacie. You’ve been missed around here. Maybe it won’t be a problem for you. I was surprised.
I’m not quite there yet (44) but I know it’s coming soon and will gladly take a hormone replacement to not be any crazier than I already am. Sigh. Glad that your pills are working for you and that you’re back to your same old awesome self!
just as an fyi a friend recommended a holistic endocrinologist who called my gyn and primary docs and helped out a lot!
Enjoy 44 Kristi.
Thanks Zoe. I do need to pursue that avenue.
I can relate to all of it. But this post made me laugh pretty hard (which I seem to do with some regularity, alternatively with the crying), so thank you, and I do think I’ve suffered from perimenopausalprobz asphyxiation and (ugh) menopausaldefs asphyxiation symptoms. I’m also a member of the 2-4 a.m. club (as a friend of mine calls it), and was emailing three friends, also awake, at 3 a.m. the other night. YEESH. As for hormone replacement: maybe.
Oh Julia. But question really is — is Maggie on board with HRT? She has to keep a level head with all that sleuthing.
Can’t offer much advice, Jamie. Slipped effortlessly into menopause the FIRST time and then had only occasional hot flashes when I had to quit HRT after getting breast cancer. (Not the estrogen receptor positive type so no apparent link.) I can say that my MIL swore by HRT, remained active into her eighties and did not develop cancer. Mainly commented to wish you luck.
Thanks Linda, good wishes most definitely accepted. I’m hoping when my hormones bottom out maybe I can feel more like my old self. That’s what I want to find out. Is this a temporary thing that will end with full-fledged menopause?
In addition to having bipolar, I have a uterine fibroid that affects my hormones. I’m not on HRT, but I still have to take the Pill every day. I had asked my doc about going off them and getting Essure or something like it, but he said I’d still have to take the Pills regardless. My moods are themselves moody, so if I had to do HRT when the time comes, I’d do it.
Great new look!
Goodness Bee — maybe you won’t have any problems. I honestly wondered why I had this sudden down turn and thought it was just an all-in-my-head thing related to aging body vanity and big birthday. I was surprised that it must be something more than that. Because there is no doubt that sad cloud has lifted.
Whew, sounds like a bumpy ride! I wish I had wisdom or suggestions for you…just hoping it lifts for you!
Oh goodness. I’m not there yet but I do know that hormone fluctuations can make you feel as though you are losing your mind. This may sound crazy but I felt more sane during the 2 years I was period less while breastfeeding my second son than I have since I was 14. I was immune to that junk for a little while and it was lovely.
Well phooey! Thanks for the heads up. My mom didn’t have a real point of reference because she had a hysterectomy at 37. So she’s been out of whack for a long time and tried all kinds of stuff. Anyway, I think anyone or maybe you have to be over 40 can be brought to tears looking in the dishwasher. I hate putting dishes away. Here’s my cure for that. I listen to an audiobook through the headphones and before I know it the dishes are done. I’ve started listening to an audio book for a lot of cleaning things and it sure helps. Now I get nervous if my audio book is coming to an end because that means I need to get another one before I have to put dishes away. I don’t know if you are a Kindle reader but Kindle and Audible has some kind of deal that if you already the own the Kindle book the audio book is significantly reduced. So I listen to stories I’ve already read and the purchase price ranges. The one I am listening to is The Help. It was just 3.95. It’s nice to listen to it, because I read it so long ago and I realized the movie left a lot out.
Hormones are necessary little devils, aren’t they? Your writing made me laugh and it gave me pause. It sounds awful. I recently stopped breastfeeding, and I felt like a weepy madwoman for a few days.
I always ask Uncle Harvey Lee about any complex issue. His view is the problem lies in nomenclature. He thinks the term “mini-pause” is a terrible name for a condition that has maxi consequences and lasts for a maxi long period (no pun intended) of time. He would also like people to consider renaming him-rhoids, her-peas, his-torectomy. For that matter he thinks hormones should be broken into two classed his-mones and her-mones since they act so differently.
So, I’m in the over 40 crowd, but not to the point of needing HRT yet. I still wag my head in sympathy at my under 40 friends thinking, “Oh, honey. All these wacky things my gyno calls ‘over 40 stuff’ still await you. Hang on to something and get ready for a ride!”
When I hit the cray cray stage, I’ll be knocking on your door for advice!
So glad you’re feeling more like you again, sweet lady. 🙂
I will be 50 in two months, but in my head, I am still in my 20’s. My body has decided to move on and here I sit with a sore back because I bent over in some strange way yesterday. Men, it turns out, begin to have reduced testosterone at my age and there are ways to replace it, both naturally and with prescriptions. I will try the natural method first, but hey, it there is a way for me to feel younger and better I am not adverse to trying a prescription, as you have.
Bill, it sounds like we must have been born within days of each other. I so get what you are saying. When I see all my high school classmates turning 50 this year on FB, part of me is like — who are all these old people? It is funny. We are all still that 20 year old inside.
Oh Mal — I do need to read a few blog posts on Harvey Lees take on the whole mini-pause thing.
Oh goodness! Well, I’m glad the pills are helping. And quickly! You should definitely keep us updated.
well, if it makes you feel any better i am an emotional wreck daily, and I have not hit 40 yet. 🙂 perhaps that’s why we write/blog…it keeps us sane. or at least it helps.
thank you for being REAL and honest about this. i so much appreciate you.
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