Gray and proud. Or was I?
Weak knees.
Feeling as unsure of myself as if I stared down the barrel of pulling off a twelve-person dinner party.
What was up with me?
Last week I threw out the question on my Facebook page: I should dye my gray?
That status update received more hits all the batters at Cooperstown combined.
Gray or no?
Old or no?
If you have gray hair does that make you old?
I always believed age was in the mind.
Funny, how tender knees, not being able to remove the back of my Vivelle-Dot without readers and taunting children, “Come on Gramps” can sway the stanchest of I’m-gray-and-proud.
Just so happens, I had a scheduled hair appointment yesterday.
Here I was before.
After than glamor shot, I headed down to Petals at 12:59 arriving three minutes late for my 1 p.m. appointment.
Ever doubt a gray-hair Facebook status update going viral, don’t.
From the moment I walked in, all eyes were on my hair and every mouth asked, “So. You going to color your hair?”
Actually I wasn’t.
I had made up my mind to go into my long-standing appointment and have my regular cut and regular dab of highlights.
Suddenly, that didn’t seem like an option.
I trust Beth who has cut my hair since I was 37 and she was two.
To Beth it was a done deal. To Katie, my mini-me and also Petals employee it was done. To the other Katie, who cuts hair it was done. And Pam, who dyed my daughter’s hair blue, just looked at me with her lovely Pam every-woe-in-life-is-fixed-by-a-talented-hair-professional smile.
Dear Katie took this photo after I slumped into the chair.
(My utter goofiness in this picture hides my terrified insides.)
Reclined with my head into the sink, I pondered life’s complexities. I could say NO.
Why am I letting myself being talked into covering up what is natural and normal and makes Emmylou Harris gorgeous.
Okay. Her face doesn’t hurt either.
THAT’S WHEN IT HIT ME.
I was scared.
Scared to do something that couldn’t be changed. Scared to admit that I wasn’t okay with what age was doing to my body. Scared to face I might not be as gray-hair-liberated as I hoped.
Anyway you cut the bangs, I was afraid.
With that revelation, my decision became very easy.
It there is one thing (and maybe only one thing) I hate worse than looking at my aging self —
It is letting FEAR control my decisions.
Another Mid-life First World Problem solved. Ta da.
Beth put a semi-permanent dye on.
Letting me wade into the color pool up to my trembling knee caps rather do a cannonball.
But I got in.
And swam.
Once used to the temperature, I liked it.
So for today, this is me.
What do you think?
Completely and unabashedly fishing for compliments. Err comments.
I think you ROCK no matter what. If you had green hair, purple hair, orange hair or decided to come over to the dark side and go brown (hee hee) it just wouldn’t matter. You are so much more than just your hair. But I love that you struggle with it because deep down, we all do too. So rock on sister!!! (P.S. Loving the revamped digs. When did this happen. I missed something somewhere. Sorry.) xoxoxo
Honestly Debi, it was humbling so see how this really bothered me. Way too much. “Frailty thy name is woman.” Ugh. And thanks on blog redesign. I’ve been working with the designer to get the wrinkles ironed out.
Having your hair changed can be scary but the cool thing is, it grows back. Nothing is permanent. I, myself, love coloring my hair sometimes different shades. I get bored easy.
No matter what you do to your hair, you’ll still be you!
It’s funny Jerralea. My 12 yo daughter treats hair color as a fashion accessory. I wish I had her free spirit about it all.
I love the color, but I also loved the partial shot further above. I have always admired hair styled like yours.
I agree that age is a state of mind, but I do believe that folks react to us differently depending on how we look, especially in regards to being considered for projects, events, and employment.
Like you, I was convinced by my hairdresser to just try out going a teensy bit blonder. I’m irrevocably hooked now, as it is all gray underneath. 🙂
Stunning! Absolutely stunning! xo
You know Kim, without getting too much “on the couch” about the whole thing. When there’s not a lot we really can do to halt time — this is a quick, momentary fix. 🙂
Air kiss Galit.
i’ve grown to absolutely LOVE my gray. all of it. and there’s quite a bit. ;D it’s just a part of who i am and why be something/someone other than me?!
(love your new blog look!)
I’m so happy for your Christina. And I truly think I will come back around to that way of thinking — it’s really what I want in my head; my heart’s just lagging behind a bit.
One day you are going to rock the Emmylou Harris but today I am glad you got in the pool – kicking fear in the butt. Next time whatever you decide will be easy peasy and still ROCK.
Yes Kenya. There must be a slight dip in my mojo — but it will finding it’s footing again, I bet. 🙂
Gray…. I’m 25 and have gray, quite a bit really. Oh well 🙂
And you look nice. Either way you looked nice though!
Kendra, I got married at 25. All this gray happened after that. Ha.
You’re pretty either way. If you’re happy, I’m happy.
I think I’m happy Erica. 😉 How’s that for being decisive.
I love it. You are gorgeous no matter what. And I adore your honesty in the struggle.
…oh, and love the new blog design.
I thought I said NO!
You did. But I knew that it was just hair. And that the gray wasn’t going very far.
Thanks so much Lisa. Part of me feels like this is such a vain silly thing to admit but I do hope that by being honest (and a little funny) that we realize that we are in the same boat.
Jamie – I just colored my hair about two weeks ago and the gray – I mean silver – around my face is shining bright ALREADY- I don’t know what I am going to do. I can’t do gray this “young.”
-Trish
I know Trish. It’s crazy. That’s why I stopped coloring it in the first place. The minute we wash our hair that pesky gray starts peaking through or with permanent color the dreaded gray line appears. WHEN WILL THE INSANITY END???????
You never cease to amaze me with your real-ness. We are all so blessed to call you our friend!! Gray, or no gray–You radiate beauty!! Love you much!
Dear Jill. Dear blonde, beautiful Jill. Grays won’t be as much of a poser for you. 🙂
I think you will look great with all gray, especially now that I’m seeing pictures of you. I LOVE what you said about not letting fear make your decisions. That is a good lesson for me too.
I say own it and rock it. I’m not quite there yet, but I have had similar debates over how I should dress and whether or not I should be striving for my college body. I’m not that girl anymore. I’m an experienced, wiser, slightlier fluffier gal in my 30’s who doesn’t want skinny jeans, and loves my life. Laugh lines and all.
You look fabulous- whatever your hair color!
Thanks Shell.
Love, love , love the hair and think you picked a good compromise. I say go all the way and make it permanent . On another note I am so impressed with your new blog design. It looks totally fabulous, unique and is perfect for you. xoxo tiffani
I just might go “all the way” next time, Tiffani. hug back.
[…] freaking out over my hair color and wielding a tape measure to the circumference of my head to the length of my toes and all points […]